Just real

This blog post probably won’t inspire anyone. I’m simply going to be quite real about my experience in a half marathon last weekend.

I traveled to Florida for a 4 day weekend to spend time with family as well as take part in a half marathon. I had trained for this day – in varying different types of weather, from snow to sun to rain, from cold to colder – and I was really excited about it the morning of the race. I had set a goal to PR this time – I wanted to be faster than 2:51, still slow, but yes, I’m slow.

At the start of the race, I was a little bit frustrated because I wanted to be very close to the 2:30 pacer, but I had a difficult time getting up to them in the crowd of people. I started out feeling awesome. My first mile was 11:06 and my 2nd mile was12:41 and my 3rd mile was 12:28. That’s pretty darn good for me! I was thinking I was for sure going to PR. Then I saw a group of people who were headed back after a turn around and I thought I saw the 3:00 pacer. I was crushed because I knew I was running faster than that. I was running faster than that, and I don’t know what I actually saw. It doesn’t matter because perception is reality. In my mind, I was failing. I felt defeated, and I couldn’t get that out of my head. I actually wanted to quit. But I kept going anyway, and I felt OK physically until about mile 8 where I hit the wall. It felt like I couldn’t control my legs. I had never had my legs “seize up” like that before. When I stopped to walk, it felt like my legs were going to give out. I felt like I was barely moving when I was running. (guess that’s the “marathon shuffle” I’ve heard so much about) My legs were aching, but I was determined to keep going. My miles kept getting slower and when the 3:00 pacer actually passed me, I was finished mentally. I actually shed a few tears. I ended up with an official time of 3:01 – 10 minutes slower than my first half marathon two years ago. I just didn’t understand. Then I thought that maybe that first half marathon time or distance was just a bit off. This standard that I’ve set for myself might be inaccurate. It was a smaller race. My other times have been within around 5 minutes of each other. So, what’s wrong with being consistent? I just really want to beat that first time!

I know that I should be proud of myself for being out there doing it. In fact, I should be proud and focused on my husband and my sister-in-law for doing awesome in the 10K! (Sorry Dan and Susan – I love you both!) But, I’ve been focused on feeling sorry for myself.

That time has passed. I have 77 days until my first (and hopefully not last) full marathon. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. It’s time to focus on training for April. So, let the pity party come to an end and let the focused training begin with improvements made to avoid hitting the wall and having my legs seize up.

Shew – feels good to get that negativity out!

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